M23

The M23 cross-town rides,
and having rid,
rides on,

Neither your peity nor wit,
shall lure it back to being a swift line,

Nor all your tears
speed your trip
to the piers.

BEHIND THE HALCYON CURTAIN
by Deep Throat

Why was "GWI" Bush wearing a band-aid on his face at last Friday's press conference?

GWI, as he has been commonly known since the revelation of his three drunk driving arrests the week before what was supposed to have been the presidential election, scheduled this press conference to show that he wasn't going to let a little thing like the popular vote slow down his transition schedule.

But what a beating George Sr. gave him the night before:

INT. BASEMENT OF A PONDEROSA STEAKHOUSE IN AUSTIN, TEXAS - NIGHT
Interrogation lighting.

GEORGE SR.
You bungling cokehead maniac!

(We hear blows thrown and see GWI react as they hit his face)

GEORGE SR. (con't)
This is worse than the Bay of Pigs!

More blows . . .

GEORGE SR. (con't)
We had it stacked so you'd win if you were EVEN 20 POINTS behind that stuffed....

Blow . . .

GEORGE SR. (con't)
...shirt

Blow . . .

GEORGE SR. (con't)
PINHEAD!

Silence. The expected blow is not thrown . . .

GEORGE SR. (con't)
Bar? BAR? Why'd ya stop, Bar?

BARBARA BUSH
To get that bat with the nail you got from Hoover that one year...

GEORGE SR.
That was a hell of a year. But where was I? Oh yeah,
PINHEAD!

Bat with nail hits and rips right into the side of GWI Bush's face!

GWI
AAaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

He is indeed reacting to the blow and the wound; but mostly to the terrifying vision in front of his eyes of Bar with bat. She is wearing the pink TUTU that came with the bat.

GEORGE SR.
That's it, Bar. If you're gonna do the J. Edgar S-M thing ya gotta have the tutu.

BARBARA BUSH
Desmond!

GEORGE SR.
Desmond. Yep, that's what we called him in the tutu.
"Castigating the Bishop" and such . . .

A GROGGY GWI Bush speaks:

GWI
Awww shit, rents. I got that press conference in the morning to pick my . . .

BARBARA BUSH
Ass.

GWI
Yes, sir.

Barbara goes to hit him with the bat again.

GEORGE SR.
Desmond!

BARBARA BUSH
(stopping)
What?

GEORGE SR.
The nuts. The nuts! You don't want to be going crazy fixing him up with the makeup! Remember that night when Jed got caught with the hooker?

A Night At The OTB
by TONY LEONARDO

Halloween 2000
A RIVATIVE SPECIAL PRESENTATION WITH PICTURES

Fucked Up in the Pines
BY DAVID FERRILL

• • •

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